holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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