An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
