i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
