Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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