my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
