cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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