then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Farmville is her only friend.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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