I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
is it fun? or sober?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
