I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
