brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
