if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
