actually, I'm a sock model
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
