Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
