She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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