was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
