You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize