sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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