I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
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