Christians are straight up FREAKS
I accidentally had phone sex last night
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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