There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
