I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
