last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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