Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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