It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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