it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Dicks are not precious.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
