Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
