im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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