some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
