I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
