Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
