I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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