when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
