Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
