I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
COCAINE IS GR8
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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