Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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