Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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