she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
