yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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