just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My vagina is officially offended.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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