you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
