The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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