cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
