watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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