As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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