Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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