he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
