Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
