is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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