the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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