you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
