did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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