Already got asked if we're dating
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize