I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
