im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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