did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
