just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
false alarm, still single
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