The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
