My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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