he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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