Swine flu is the new snow day.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
