I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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