How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
