there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
