Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
