She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
