he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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