Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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